Parisienne Style

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It’s always a little strange when a guy who isn’t gay or your personal shopper tells you what to wear… My friend C is perpetually trying to get me to evolve my style to suit his tastes. I’d just like him to shave off that irritating goatee of his.

I err on the side of simple. Classic lines, monochrome palette and none of the bells, whistles and froufrou. C on the other hand has really been trying to get me to dress in a certain way: ankle length trousers, striped shirts,  flats and no makeup. Sir, you have to look like Marion Cotillard to pull off that look, I tell him, but he has very consistently and insistently attempted to brainwash me into thinking this is the way to go.

He recently sent me a photo of a pair of Salvatore Ferragamo flats that I own as heels and suggested that I break the heel off. Are you kidding me? I have always admired how French girls are just able to throw things together in a haphazard way and look amazing but you don’t ruin a pair of perfectly good pumps in the name of fashion.  There are some things that a girl just can’t pull off ya know? And how to be Parisienne chic is probably something on that list.

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Love vs teddy bears

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Recently I had a conversation with some girlfriends about the modern day wants and needs for boyfriends… And how they’re inversely related to your status in life.

As a younger single girl, insecure, unestablished in life, we need to feel some sort of gratification or justification for being who we are. So we do it the ways we know how: tons of frenemies and the precarious dream of that perfect boyfriend.. Sir prince charming.

Some of us get lucky, find our mate and that’s the end of the SGA.. and for others, we drift around whether by choice or not, and as we progress in life and social status, the mindset towards boyfriends becomes more of an ideal that a goal.

At least, that’s what it’s become for me. The idea of a boyfriend is as nice as the idea of a bestest best friend-forever. We don’t want to be lonely, and it’d be wonderful to have someone around who knows you.. The real you.

That’s one feeling single girls not-so-new to the dating scene have in common: a shared annoyance with the continual introductions. Talking about your background, where you’re from, what you do, what you enjoy, and whatever else makes you different from every other girl. Oh, and then pretending to care about what he says. The whole schpeel. We’re sick if it. And for the most part, we still have to do it because how else are they going to get to know the real you in an evening?

Anyway, back to the point; for the jaded, independently successful single girl, the ideal boyfriend is much like the picture up above: available, hassle-free, comfortable and your own personal sex-toy.

Juggling

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I was asked out on a date last week that went surprisingly well until about the end when I was hijacked in the bathroom by a slightly tipsy dude who proceeded to ask for my number. Excuse me sir, I am on a date, is it not obvious? Evidently not. The next day, I saw that he had texted me, having gotten my number from a friend of mine who was also at the bar. Creepy? A little but I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt because beggars can’t be choosers.

After cutting off booty call guy completely, I have been bombarded with equally useless men. Boys  really. Ones who play games and want to have fun. Sometimes fun is good but these days I can’t but feel that it’s a waste of my energy figuring out these silly games of theirs. So I’ve started to date casually, a few dates here a few dates there to see if anything works out.

You come to realise quite quickly what they want from you. And most of the time its not what is being offered up.

I’ve come to the conclusion though, that it takes a smart woman and a meticulously organized woman to juggle multiple men. It also takes a woman who can detach herself from her emotions from time to time, otherwise you end up with a big mess and too many balls to juggle (no pun intended).

Jaded

Here’s the thing about dating in your 30s… you know that inevitably, some of these men are not going to last. The men that hold your hand while they drive you home, the men that laugh at your quips across the table, the men who push you up against the wall and press their lips against yours, the men that give you butterflies by the way they look at you… they just aren’t going to last forever.

In that sense, I miss the youthful innocence of my teens when love seemed like forever, whatever forever may have been at the time. Or the hopeful romantic I was in my twenties when I believed that the he who was with me at the time and I would be able to make it last, come what may.

But in your 30s, you just know…

And after weighing the pros and cons, you break it off before it even starts because you know that the good men in your life, the ones you would have fallen in love with when you were youthfully innocent, the ones you would have given a chance to when you were hopefully romantic, these men will fade out of your life and become distant memories because you can already see that there is no future with them.

I don’t know when I became so jaded. Perhaps in between the last man to love me and leave me and him, I started building up these walls and controlling my emotions and making excuses for things not to work out. But between him holding my hand and making plans and his insistence that I become his, I felt a sliver of hope creep up from when I least expected it to.

In your 30s you’re just tired. You’re tired of getting hurt, tired of the men who play games, tired of the men that judge you so sometimes you may just miss what’s right in front of your eyes. In your 30s you can’t even trust your own judgement because they’ve been clouded by disillusionment. How do you learn to trust again and let love in? Because it seems like the hardest thing in the world…

20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

Not just girls in New York City but I think this applies to a lot of girls out there:

These oftentimes elusive creatures who wear all black and give you dirty looks on the sidewalk are not as opaque as you might have imagined—but they are just as mean. In case you want to break past that tough exterior, here are a few things you should know about single New York City women:

1. Pounding Pavement In High Heels Takes Unfathomable Endurance

These ladies have way higher pain tolerances than your average human. Plus, they walk with two, built-in weapons on their feet.

2. They Make Their Own Money

Do not confuse them with kept women. They have high-powered jobs, and they do not need you.

3. They Carry Mace

Please do not approach a lone NYC woman after 2 AM. If she’s smart, she will be prepared to ward you off in a somewhat violent manner.

4. Their Bags Hold Everything You Will Ever Need

That tiny, designer bag hanging off her shoulder actually contains twenty tampons, thirty cough drops, tweezers, Band-Aids, all of her makeup, an extra pair of earrings, wet wipes, a cell phone charger, a backup wallet, breath mints…need I go on?

5. They Can Accomplish Any Task While Walking

If they needed to, they could change a baby’s diaper while crossing 5th Avenue.

6. They Do Like Money

20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women in NYC 1 20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

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This is kind of a requirement of living and living well in NYC. If not at least semi-interested in making and spending, these women wouldn’t live here (unless they’re social workers, in which case they would probably like more money).

7. You Can Trace Their Heritage Back To Anywhere

Make no assumptions. A woman who considers herself a “New Yorker” could still speak with a Slovakian accent. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t know the subway system like the back of her hand.

8. Clothing, Bags, And Jewelry Mean A Lot To Them

There are plenty of women in this fair city. You’ve got to stand out at a glance somehow, which means shining personalities take a backseat to the latest couture.

9. Bitchiness Comes With The Territory

Just try and start a verbal battle with a New York woman and see how long it takes before you’re covering up sobs by pretending to cough.

10. They Know All The Lines

Your most ingenious pickup line has been used on them approximately ten million times in approximately five million bars, clubs, and restaurants.

11. You Can’t Bullshit Them

Do not dare try to lie about where you went to school or how long you’ve lived in the city. These women double as human lie detectors.

12. They Can Tell Your Job by the Shirt You’re Wearing

In a city this full of people, they’ve learned to tell the difference between an investment banker and busboy who happens to be wearing a nice shirt.

13. They Will Judge You By How Much You Tip

15 percent means you will never see this New York woman again.

14. They’re Aggressive

If someone cuts in front of you guys in line at the movie theater, they will never hear the end of it (and will likely move to their rightful place at the back).

15. They’re Jaded

You will jump through hoops trying to impress a New York woman, and she will still yawn over your specialty appetizers at a five-star restaurant to let you know that this place used to be much more innovative in the nineties.

16. They Are Socially Particular

They cannot be seen in public with just any old individual, so keep your friend Rick who only owns one t-shirt at home when you meet her on the town.

17. Being A “New Yorker” Is Central To Their Identity

20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women in NYC 20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

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Even if they’re from Kalamazoo, try not to remind them of this in order to remain in their favor.

18. They’re Total Snobs

In terms of directions, restaurants, neighborhoods…you name it, they have a pretty strong opinion on it—and it’s more correct than yours.

19. They’re “Promiscuous”

If their sex life didn’t begin ten years earlier than the first time you copped a feel, they’ve at least made up for it during their exploits in the city.

20. They’re Twice As Smart As You Are

Statistically speaking, they have to be in order to hold the same jobs and afford comparable apartments in a historically male-favoring job market in one of the toughest cities in the world.

Office Romance

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My colleague asked me out for a quick coffee last Friday, which ended up turning into dinner and drinks. A few days prior, he had walked with me from work to where I was meeting a friend and near the end of that walk, he reached over and held my hand.

‘What does that mean?!?!’ I screeched to my friend.
‘Maybe he was just being nice,’ my friend responded.

So I wrote it off as my colleague being nice (although who holds hands to be nice?!?!) and went on my merry way… until Friday.

Over drinks, he reached for my hand again, asked me if I was interested in him and then he leaned over the table and kissed me. On the mouth. You know, like a proper head tilt, put me off balance, against the wall type of kiss that, had I been a few years younger and a little less experienced, would have made me think I was in love.

Luckily, I am older and wiser… sort of…. so I only got the butterflies.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Not sure what they’re putting in the water these days but men in their twenties are pretty aggressive. Where is all this confidence coming from?! I’ve never dated a co-worker because I feel that it’s really inappropriate. While this guy is not in my department and we don’t work together directly, we nonetheless see each other every day and work on the same floor.

‘I’m probably going to do that again at some point,’ he tells me while I glare at him and berate myself for allowing it to happen.

I’m still of the opinion that office romances are never a good idea.

Thank goodness for extended business trips.

Theres a Guy for Everyone

I’ve been with hot guys, suave guys, nerdy guys, gangsters and etc. I obviously have my preferences, but no matter how weird the dude, there’s a girl out there for him.

I’ve never been the kind of girl to have a “type.” I’m an equal opportunity lover, but I’m personally not a fan of the classically handsome, manly man. I know they’re objectively good looking but I personally don’t find them attractive. One example of this phenomenon is Matt Bomer.

I mean, he is one foiine specimen. I can attest to that… but to be honest, I’d prefer Paul Rudd’s goofy face to this manly man.

I posted the above youtube clip on my facebook the other day because I thought it was adorable. I was shocked to find out that most of my friends didn’t share my sentiment. Half of the girls didn’t really “get it.” If a boyfriend of mine were to write me that poem, i’d be putty… Honestly, I’d probably start crying. Kumar expressed his love in his own unique and nerdy way. I’m no mathematician, but the nerd in me was thrilled–I loved all the math analogies. How could you NOT like the clip? I guess I like nerdy guys.

Do you have an unconventional “type”?