This is my vow…


“I can’t hear their vows,” I hushed him. “Well these are their vows to each other, what does it matter to you?” he replied.

He’s right I suppose. You see the thing is I really wanted to hear what they had to say. I was on a mission to figure out if the vows themselves had anything to do with a lasting marriage. This year, I’ve seen too many make promises they couldn’t keep or spew so much hatred because they’re trying to keep their vows. So I wonder, what’s the point? if you don’t make a promise about something, you’re not breaking any promises – right?

“I promise to make you breakfast every morning,” Groom says… I think of eggs benedict and then my thoughts drift to the time HE made Mother’s Day brunch and HIM promising to teach our kids how to make eggs benedict for me. Junior was to be the name of our eldest.

“I promise to hold you and cherish you,” Bride says and I can almost imagine myself saying, “Come home without the cake for Jolie’s first birthday and you see how I’ll HOLD YOU down and CHERISH every moment of giving YOU a piece of my mind.” I chuckle…

And slowly I see myself standing up there telling HIM, “I heard a story about a bride and groom. On their wedding day, the bride asked the groom if she could marry him in her next life. The groom laughed and told his bride, silly, that is what you asked me in our previous life. I want infinite life times with you but if that is not possible I will settle with just this lifetime. The time we have together will be our eternity. I don’t believe in an almighty God but if there is such a thing as a higher power… I ask that IT gives me all the luck from this life, life’s past and if I should have other lives after this, I ask that IT gives me all the luck for me to be the best person I can for you. And if that is not enough, I’m asking all our friends and family that is with us here and in spirit to give us your best wishes… just a minuscule is enough… ”

I want you to be with me in the dark, to hold me, to keep loving me, to help me when I get scared, to go right to the edge and see what’s there… (Tessa Scott, Now is Good)

“You girls are always so sentimental,” he says as a matter of factually next to me. His voice snaps me back into reality as I turn my head to see him. I take a breath to give myself a second to formulate an explanation that this piece of “nonchalant posture, too cool to go to a wedding and utter lack of desire for love” would understand.

“Their words were beautiful.” I say instead as I drift back into my own thoughts.

I vow to put you on a see-food diet, blow dandelions in your face, drag you to calla lily and lavender fields, argue about nothing important, too many Thanksgivings in our big kitchen, a joint bank account, listen to your jokes and snoring for years and years, to go to our parent’s evening and knowing our children are geniuses – Junior and Jolie -, being with you, being with you, being with you. Just being with you.