Tall boys, short boys, skinny boys, fat boys, athletic boys, nerdy boys, shy boys, frat boys. I’ve dated my share of all different types of them. And I can strongly confirm that I’ve loved them all in different ways. But there are some types of boys that I’ve learned to know if I see them to RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! That’s why I will share with you a few types of guys to strongly avoid at all (okay, mostly all) costs.
1. Boys who still live with their mother after 25
This type of boy is a straight up mama’s boy, and won’t go out with you unless his mom doesn’t need her dry cleaning picked up, her bank called, her prescriptions refilled and picked up, and they’ve had breakfast, lunch, and dinner together already. Oh and make sure to bring him back home before midnight, or he’ll have hell to pay. There’s a fine line between mama’s boys and men who love their mothers. A mama’s boy does exactly what his mom tells him to do when she wants him to do it. And it’s not a coincidence that the mothers who bore these boys are usually control freaks who think their needs are one and the same as the needs of their sons. That’s how you end up by yourself on a Saturday night, eating a microwave dinner and cursing yourself for wasting your freshly shaved legs for nothing because your bf had to cancel on you in order to take his mother grocery shopping at the particular place she “needed” to go to that day. Four years later, I’m STILL cursing that night!
2. Boys who leave their phone on silent 24/7.
I hate this type of boy. This boy is usually, if not always, a player. I can see you looking down at your phone every few minutes, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you are texting someone else. These boys can be oh so sneaky though, because they will shower you with affection when you are together, but if you try to look at their phone no one is quicker to keep it away from you than them. Boys who leave their phone on silent all the time are usually smooth talkers, making it difficult to distinguish between a lie and a legitimate reason. It makes sense since they get so much more practice with whoever it is on the other end of that phone. But as tempting as it is to try and justify their actions, simply put, NEXT.
3. Boys who constantly tell you how much money they make…
And how many material possessions they have.
I get it, you make a lot of money and can afford nice things. But I can afford my own nice things, or at least the things I want/need. I don’t care that you drive a BMW 7 series if you’re a terrible driver. If you can’t have a conversation with me without mentioning how much so and so cost or what exclusive restaurant you ate at last week, I won’t be able to keep my food down without gagging at your douchebag tendencies. Life is more than dollars and cents, and if you can’t see past that, you won’t get a second date. I say second and not first because hey, these guys are more than glad to show you what they can afford, and a single girl could use a divine meal once in a while.
4. Boys who tell white lies.
It’d be obvious to say boys who tell lies, especially big ones. But what’s not so obvious are the white lies that mean more than you would think at first glance. A guy who lies to you about sharing common interests is a guy who has no confidence to be himself and try to prove to you that he’s worth your time. Which pretty much means he isn’t worth it. You’re not there to be his life coach, you just met! Another thing that is a pet peeve of mine: when a guy tells me I look good in something, or that I don’t look fatter when I really am. You’re not doing me any favors, especially after we break up and I look at myself in the mirror and realize I need to work out to look and feel better again. Yeah I’m look at you, ex, and I’m looking at the photos of me in 2009 where my friend laughed out loud when he saw how much heavier I was during that time. Vehemently moving on…
5. And finally boys who are “nice”.
There’s a reason nice guys finish last. And just like men who love their moms and mama’s boys, there’s a distinctive difference between “nice” and genuinely nice guys. Most “nice” guys are just jerks who aren’t smart enough or aggressive enough to manipulate girls the way that their “opposites” can. “Oh I’m so good to her as her friend, but she keeps dating these assholes who do nothing but hurt her.” Wait, you said friend right? Right. That tired old sob story doesn’t fly with me. And how nice are you if you’re doing all these things for me under the guise of friendship when what you really ultimately want is to get in my pants? Real nice guys are upfront about their motives. They think the bad boys are the only ones playing a game with the girl, when in reality they’re playing a game as well. The second you think of a girl “friend” as more than that without telling her, and then get upset when she dates someone else, you’re putting her in a lose-lose situation. I won’t date you if I don’t know what you want , so either nut up or shut up.
As always, take this with a grain of salt, because there are always exceptions to the rules. But seriously, don’t date the mama’s boys.
Bonus D.N.D (do not date): the guy who is more into his body and image than yours.
When a guy checks himself out in the mirror more than you do, takes longer to get ready for dinner, and takes even more selfies, you can bet it’s a big red flag that he’s just not that into you, or at least not as much as he’s into himself. It’s narcissistic and just a plain lady-boner killer. DNW (do not want).
(Although I might make an exception for him..what? Yum!)